


About a Boy

by ismellitblue



Category: Doom Patrol, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Comfort, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sex, buy a unicorn and float it on a cloud type fluff, child raising for super zeros, talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 22:56:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20897495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ismellitblue/pseuds/ismellitblue
Summary: They’d stolen a baby…correction –Jane had stolen a baby.Repeating the statement over and over did nothing for Larry’s racing heart, nor did it help settle the negative spirit,which was now a mass of spinning light in his chest.





	About a Boy

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing but the story idea.

They’d stolen a baby…correction –_Jane_ had stolen a baby.

Repeating the statement over and over did nothing for Larry’s racing heart, nor did it help settle the negative spirit,which was now a mass of spinning light in his chest.

“Holy fu-“

“Cliff, not in front of the baby!”Rita hissed.

“-Fudge!Holy Fudge!Jane that’s a _baby_,”Cliff pointed for good measure.

“Thank you Cliff, say it louder, obviously none of can see what you’re seeing,”For once not even Vic had an answer for the situation,and it was making him snippy.

“Jane wherever you got that baby,we have to return it,the parents are probably worried,”Of course even in the height of panic,Vic had a few fall back plans,were he not trying to keep from throwing up in his bandages,Larry would applaud.

“Conner’s not going anywhere,”Jane adjusted the bundle in her arms, completely unfazed.

“Conner?Is that his name or did you steal a baby and put a new name on it?”

“It sounded a whole lot better than Subject 13,so I’m sticking with it,”

“Wait,that sounds like an experiment number,”Jane gave Vic a no duh look and for the first time Larry let himself actually look at the baby.

He had a head full of dark hair, but when the light hit it just right it looked red, his eyes were big and green. A tiny fist jammed into his toothless mouth as he watched them argue.Despite all the noise they were making, he hadn’t cried out once,simply content in Jane’s hold.

_He’d never been held before_-Larry realized, and all protests of them not keeping the baby flew right out the window.

Looking over at the others he realized they were thinking the same thing.

It seemed Jane had read the room the same as him, she moved forward and handed the kid over to Rita“Here Rita,”The other woman <strike>took the baby</strike>took _Conner_ with a stunned look on her face, but her expression softened the moment he melted into her a tiny hand settling on her breast.

“Hello Conner,I’m Rita,”She said placing a kiss on his head,her eyes shining suspiciously, and Larry was reminded of another baby Rita had told him about.

***

Like all things when it came to them, the chaos settled into something workable.The problem of what do we feed the kid…

“No offense Rita,but at this point any milk you produce will be pure alcohol,”

“Thank you Larry,a girl does love having her drinking habits exposed,”

“It wasn’t a secret,”Vic had wisely found somewhere else to be after that…

A few hours later,he and Cliff returned, a black and white cow trailing behind them.

“This is Jazz, she’s here to feed the kid,”

“How did you-”

“The farmer’s wife on the other side of town said she and her husband needed to spice up their sex life.She gave us Jazz in exchange of Cliff sweet talking her over the phone while her husband listened.Then we hid in the barn when he rushed back and they began having sex on the haystacks we were hiding behind,”It showed just how much Vic had grown accustomed to the craziness of their lives that he didn’t even sound incredulous as he retold the story.

Rita of course, had his clothing covered…

“We’re having a fashion show tonight,attendance is mandatory,”

Jane commandeered the room next to Rita’s and locked herself in,hours later the Hangman’s daughter came out covered in paint, and Hammerhead returned to the room, a metal cot in her grasp.

Larry watched all this with Conner in his arms, making soft cooing noises as he watched the spirit spin around and around in Larry’s chest-completely enraptured.

***

All of them were a hot mess and they knew it.When his boys had been babies,Larry had made an art out of avoiding them, and he knew Rita and Cliff had botched up their own attempts at parenthood.

But somehow with all the stuff they’d been through,they were better suited to raise Conner.

His first night in his cot,he ripped the bars right off, crying so loudly the walls shook and all the windows in his room shattered.

‘_Normal’_, ‘_sane’_ people would’ve freaked out.

They just cleaned up the glass and the kid ended up falling asleep on Rita.Unbothered by the fact that she was more jelly than human at that point.They moved a tiny bed into Rita’s room,and surrounded it with cushions(which wouldn’t do much given he could rip out steel) but it still made all of them feel as though he were safer.

***

The kid’s first word was “Mama,”directed at Rita when she plucked him off Cliff’s shoulders,interrupting their game of touch the clouds to go and give him a bath.

He took his first steps in Larry’s garden, laughing freely when he fell into Larry’s arms.From that day on, all of them were on their feet,chasing him all over the place,and during one harrowing experience,the negative spirit had to pull him from the furnace.His clothes had been burned off, but he’d been completely unharmed.

Hammerhead had stuck around for a week after that, keeping an eye on him.

Somehow,he inherited Cliff’s love for speed, and Robotman,ever handy, built him a racetrack in the backyard, and he and Vic made a mini racecar for him(the source of several near death experiences for Rita).

***

“Cookies are healthy, flour comes from wheat you know, a growing boy needs a few a day to keep him healthy,”A seven year old trying to talk his way into some cookies was something Larry had never thought he’d deal with.

“Would that growing boy happen to be you?”An innocent look-complete with puppy eyes was leveled at him,and Larry almost caved.Luckily Vic came in before he could .

“Anyone up for a game?”He asked tossing a football between his hands, Conner was instantly off the stool and running after him, giving the cookies a chance to cool(sometimes Larry wondered if Rita had transferred her stomach to the kid).A cookie floated mid air,and the negative spirit caught it before it could float out with the exiting pair.

“Conner,no powers in the kitchen!”Larry could’ve threatened him with no dessert, but he knew the kid would get someone(Jane),to sneak him a few, and she’d do it in the name of…

“Encouraging his inner rebel,”

***

Conner hitting his teen years had been something all of them had known was coming, and when he finally had, they’d had-_the_ _talk_.

Their version of the talk had nothing to do with the birds and the bees,though Scarlet Harlot had covered that subject candidly,teaching him about the different forms of sexuality.Before the kid could get too excited,Vic had come through with holograms showing genitalia riddled with various sexually transmitted diseases, and he’d settled right down.

Then they’d gone into his birdless,and beeless creation-which was, you were created in a lab, and Jane sprung you.

His reaction had not been the stereotypical breakdown“I’m a man on the lamb!”No child should ever be that gleeful at the knowledge that he’d been created by mad scientists for possibly nefarious purposes.

***

The discovery of Conner being half alien came when one of Jane’s sciency personalities picked up a strand of his hair and did some tests on it.This was followed by Conner speaking klingon for the entire month,and trying to get Keeg to-_take him to the mothership_-so that they could be beamed up.

When that hadn’t worked, he’d taken to making crop circles in the backyard,something Larry wouldn’t have minded if it hadn’t destroyed his crops.

“When the mothership comes, I’ll give you some alien man eating plants Uncle Larry,”

The ship never did come, but Conner had discovered girls…and boys,a month later so he wasn’t too cut up about it.

***

“His name’s Tim, and he’s so cool,”All of them had been getting grilled in all the ways Tim was cool,for a week straight.

When they finally did meet him, it turned out Timothy Drake was more than cool.

He was kind, courteous , and had a knack for placing bugs in the most difficult to reach places.Deciding that,that made him family,the crew(a reluctant Conner in tow),decided it was time to meet their future in laws.

…Batman was not happy to walk into the Batcave and find-a mummy, a goth, a robot,a cyborg and a dame, drinking tea with _his_ Alfred.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little something I cooked up.Hope you guys enjoy it.


End file.
